Wednesday, August 10, 2011

God's plans are, by FAR, way better than mine...

Wow!! I must say....I am completely AMAZED by God's goodness to me (to US)!! Most people know what happened two-and-a-half years ago when my husband lost our job and things just kinda spiraled out of control. Not "kinda", but MAJORLY spiraled out of control...Throughout these trials in our life, God was working on me and teaching me the value of trusting and relying on Him 100% COMPLETELY! I won't lie...I struggled with that! I was like Peter from the Bible...I started to look at the mess and storms of my life and took my eyes off of Jesus and I began to sink. My marriage with my husband was struggling...we were just barely making it. These were times that we didn't know what our future would hold.....but, God did!

God knew, because His hand was on it all!!

On August 1st, 2011, my husband started a new job that just fell into His lap. So much so that I knew that it MUST be God! This job pays him $8 more an hour, allows David to get overtime, and, the best part......BENEFITS!!!!! Awesome benefits!!!! This is such a huge answer to prayer!! He will also be doing jobs where he will be sent to work in other countries!! We are sooo blessed and have realized over the course of our hardships that Christ is in control and takes care of us!! He has grown me and has brought David and I closer together in our marriage and is providing for us. We are still short saling our home, as we are too far behind in payments, but we understand now that it's just "stuff" and God has something way better in store for us!!


Thursday, June 16, 2011

A New Me...My OWN Me!

Disclaimer: This is therapeutic to me and is not meant to be taken as a "bashing" on anyone (except maybe ME)!

There are some major things weighing heavily on my mind, lately, and I just feel like talking about them. When I look back on how I was raised, the environment I grew up in, and my life now, I really get frustrated...mainly at myself, since that is who I am responsible for. I saw a quote recently from Rick Warren, who stated, "You are a product of your past, but it doesn't have to be your present..." And, that struck a chord in me...Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't grow up in a home where there was any sexual or physical abuse going on, but, I KNOW that there are things that was said and done that made me into who I am today...some good, some bad!

As some of you may know, for as long as I can remember, I have always had a very strained relationship with my mother. I mean, if I can be honest, when I hit my "teenage" years, no, I wasn't always the easiest child to live with or love for that matter. I don't know if it was hormones or the fact that JUST before that stage in my life, I was bullied and treated like scum at school....OR the latter! All I know is, my mom and I have clashed ever since I was able to talk...

The problem that I struggle with now is.....working on NOT becoming the very thing that I despise in my mother! I don't ever want to become so impatient and angry with my kids that I would ever refer to them as a "brat", no matter how "bratty" they may be acting at the time. I never forgot that.

It seems like the more time progresses and moves forward, the more my parents want to make me more of an "enemy" than their friend or daughter. If she felt compelled to choose sides between one of my siblings and myself, she will choose them EVERY time....even when I am in the right. Even my aunt said some really hurtful things about me to my mother and she did not defend me. That hurt more than I think SHE even knows....even though I have tried to explain it a million times. When did I NOT become worth defending??? Or was I ever?? Did I deserve to be thrown up against a locker with a pocket knife held to my neck at 12-years old?? Was it something I did or said that made it okay for my ex- to grab me by the neck and throw me up against the car and push me?? Did I deserve to be called a "Brat" my whole life?? When does it end??

The sad thing is....the very things she despises in me is the VERY thing she, maybe it's not ME she hates.

Please don't misunderstand this blog. I am not writing this to demean or insult my mom. She is who she is and I can't control that (which, I admit, is REALLY frustrating...), but, is it safe to say that I don't want to be like her?? When does it become NOT "honoring" your parents anymore by saying that?? But, I see things that I have gotten from her and trust me....if you know what I'm talking about and hate that about me, then just know, I LOATHE those things a thousand times more and I can guarantee you...I am more critical about myself than anyone can ever say to me.

Maybe, I'm a little gutsy in writing this blog, but, when I have everything written out, I can better gather my thoughts and feelings.

I don't know if you have ever felt what I am feeling, but, it's a daily struggle! And, I can't finish this blog without mentioning the awesomeness of God in my life! He is not finished with me, yet!! He loves me no matter what!! He is so in love with me that He will not let me stay this way....and, I have to say....I am SOOO in love with my Jesus!! Thanks, Daddy, for loving and accepting me for who I am!! I would NOT be here today if it weren't for Your grace and compassion on me and my life!!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Two's...Terrible or Terrific??

I hate it when people ask me if my son has hit the "Terrible Two's", yet. What does THAT even mean?!?! We were out to get my son's haircut and other errands when I was confronted with that question. My response?? "He's a great kid!" How else was I supposed to answer that?? I mean, Cobin is TWO, so he is going to think, act, and behave like a two-year old....if you find that to be "terrible" than you may be missing out on one of God's greatest blessings in this life.

I would not want my son to be anybody else, but himself and who God wants him to be. At this age, it is natural for him to explore and test the boundaries. It is my duty as his parent to protect him from things that could harm them. However, I need to give him just enough freedom to be who he is and who it is that God is and will be growing him to be. That's not terrible at's TERRIFIC!!

How would we feel if God took that approach to us as His child?? "Oh....(sigh)...there goes Krystal again!! Man!! When is she going to grow out of her Terrible Thirties?? She is driving me crazy!!" Look back at your life in which you chose to rebel instead of listening to what God wanted you to do. There are MANY times in my life where God probably thought I was going through my "Terrible Teens", "Terrible Twenties", and maybe even "Terrible Thirties", but regardless of my selfish and rebellious attitude, God still thinks I'm TERIFFIC!!!!

Shouldn't we take on the same attitude?? Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, Children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the Womb is a reward..." Our children is a gift straight from Heaven itself!! To look at your kids in a negative light (even in joking) can really do more damage to your child's self-esteem than you may ever know.

Let your child express him/herself in the way they want (as long as it is not harmful and/or at the expense of someone else) without them feeling like they will be ridiculed for doing so (BE that safe haven), STILL set boundaries for them (from what I hear, kids LOVE boundaries), and let's change our attitudes about how we feel about our kids. Everything we do, say and act toward them marks on the slate of who they are. They need to know that they are precious, valued and extremely loved...a gift from God!