Friday, July 2, 2010

Rocking My Son To Sleep...

OK, let's face it. It has been WAY too long since my last blog and I must say that when I posted that last blog, I was in a major funk and I just had to get my feelings out. Trust helps! I cannot and will not apologize for those feelings when I wrote it, though, because it is ALL a part of this journey that God is (and continues to) bringing me through. And, whoever said that Christians should never feel sad and/or defeated is just plain misguided and needs to read Scripture.
Just for the record, I apologize if this blog seems to go all over the place. I think my mind has A.D.D.! :o)

Anyway...I just got finished holding my 17 and a half month old son and rocking him to sleep for his nap. I could just hold him forever. The days, months and years are going by way too fast, I can't even keep up with them. But, as I was rocking him, I found myself humming....I was humming a hymn classic that goes, "I love you, Lord...and, I lift my worship you, Oh my soul, REJOICE...take joy, my what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear..." And, it hit me like a bullet in the biggest desire and prayer in this world is for my son to DAILY utter those words in his mind and heart for the rest of his life! I am truly understanding the HUGE responsibility that God has given David and me as parents of this beautiful, precious gift! I also know that it is SO important that I show him so much love and make sure that he knows that everyday!! There is nothing more in this life that I value more than the "true" things that matter in this life. To me, that is....MEMORIES!!

Family is everything to me. The memories that are made mean SO much more to me. When David and I moved into our home 2 and a half years ago, we felt like it was God's hand leading us here. We thought that THIS very place is where many memories will be made...for 20 or more years. When David lost his job and we could no longer afford our home, yes, I was devastated because everything we had dreamed of was suddenly changing and not turning out the way we had expected. At this point, I had been "living" in this house just waiting for the day that we would get the notice telling us that we only had 30 days to find a place to live and move out. I would be lying to you if I said that I never worried or struggled with "fear" and heartbreak of that very thought.

I no longer put photos up or fact, I contemplated going ahead and taking down what I DID have on the walls and start packing, not really having any clue of our fate (or, I mean, um, God's plan...yes.). But, then something hit my heart like a ton of bricks. It was as if God was saying..."Live for the moments NOW!! Don't wait! THESE are precious times. Oh, and by the way....STOP WORRYING! I got this. Just trust in Me."

Thus began my special project to myself and I decided to make a "FAMILY" wall. I took down this HUGE painting we had on the dining room wall and put up a big sign that says, "Family" and, one by one, I begin to hang pictures of the people in my life that I love...the people in my life that mean the most to remind me of the blessings of this life...the priceless treasures.

In this life, I don't want to be remembered as a person who didn't embrace what matters most and was too focused and distracted by things that, in the grand scheme of things, do not matter.

I want people to know me as a person who was afraid to break God's heart and whose ambition in life was to please Him wholeheartedly. And, I know that I am less than perfect. I don't even come remotely close. I want people to see that I clung onto Him through good times and difficult times in my life....and, I was also a person who struggled many times to make that happen. But, one of my HUGE desires on this earth is that my family understands how much they mean to me and the quality that we ever spent together one-on-one or all together was extremely meaningful in my life.

All in's not the money, the house, the job or car that matters...the only things that matter are those people in your life that mean the world to you and the memories that you make....REGARDLESS of your circumstances!! I thank God for those memories. To me, THAT is all that matters.